Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤️

Love it (or could do without it), it’s hard to argue: our holiday celebrating love seems a bit narrow in focus. This day, as we celebrate it, just doesn’t contain love in its vastness and depth.

I’m not talking about the stuff of romantic infatuation or of eros, the physically embodied love often associated with Valentine’s Day. In fact, St. Valentine himself probably wouldn’t have cared for the narrow conception of love that we celebrate on this holiday. 

I mean big, expansive, all-powerful love. The kind of love that may be the single greatest power in existence. Today, we’re celebrating that Big Love.

We’ll delve into that grand and universal love that St. Valentine and so many others of insight across and beyond spiritual traditions held up as a guiding light. Today, let’s tap into the power of love to unlock well-being, happiness, and greatness within us and the within the endless beloved upon whom Big Love shines its light, with:

• A look at the history of Valentine’s Day, the historical St. Valentine, and the legends and lessons surrounding this saint

• A collection of wise quotes from poets, spiritual leaders, and historical figures about the true nature and power of love

• Some Good News links showing the love at work in the world

Who Was the Real Saint Valentine?

A Quick History Lesson

The celebration of the day as an expression of romantic love likely comes from English Middle Ages poet Geoffrey Chaucer, who wrote a poem called "Parliament of Fowls" in the late 1300s with this line: “For this was on Saint Valentine’s Day, when every bird comes there to choose his mate.”

It was a time of courtly romanticism and some silliness.

The historical St. Valentine is a subject of debate: there were two people who qualify as the “real” St. Valentine associated with this holiday. And the Catholic church’s canon of saints includes 11 St. Valentines, three of whom were associated with February 14.

Many historians do think St. Valentine was real and that the stories and legends surrounding the two more prominent saints of the day may refer to a single person. Often ascribed to this person is a story that holds that he performed clandestine marriage ceremonies in the time of Roman Emperor Claudius II’s ban on the marriage of young people (around 268 AD/CE), because he wanted committed soldiers who weren't distracted by wives.

Legends hold that Valentine championed the cause of love as a divine right, performing those secret marriages to uphold the sanctity of this bond. This story holds the clue to why we celebrate him as a patron of romantic love. 

Yet, the other works ascribed to him, and symbols associated with his sainthood, tell a bigger store. Other legends talk of acts of healing, including restoring the sight of the blind daughter of his jailer. 

He is also said to have evangelized to Christians in the Roman empire at a time when this was illegal. Regardless of your faith, there’s a lesson here about the bravery and selflessness of someone earnestly sharing a message he believed to be one of salvation for those who could hear it, even in the face of threats of persecution and violence.

St. Valentine is often depicted as a bishop or priest with: a crippled person or an epileptic child at his feet; bearing a sword; holding a sun; giving sight to a blind girl. For Catholics, he is a patron not only of engaged couples but of mentally ill people and sufferers of plague, epilepsy, and blindness.

His dedication was to a love that was inclusive, sacrificial, and rooted in the welfare of others—a stark contrast to the narrow view of love we often celebrate today.

What is Agape Love and How Can We Use It for Good in Our Lives and Beyond?

If Valentines Has Become Narrow in Focus, Let’s Expand Our View to Encompass BIG Love

You may wonder if Love is really as powerful as I’m making it out to be.

After all, it’s a big claim, nothing short of this:

The ultimate truth. The secret to life.

The New Testament of the Bible goes as far as to say that God = love.

But maybe the Christian gospel isn’t part of your spiritual canon. No matter. Love is everywhere!

From Islam to Judaism to Hinduism, Buddhism, and beyond, this belief in the primacy of love is a common thread. Whether you think these literally true or not, surely this common thread says something about its power.

Stepping beyond spiritual justifications, search your own experience: how does it feel to be loved? To love?

Have you ever felt miserable while resonating with deep love for another? I daresay it’s impossible.

Have you ever felt you could and would go to the ends of the earth, to stop at nothing, for one you love? Or felt so supported by the love of another that it seemed you could surmount any obstacle?

That’s the power of Big Love. It may be the most potent life force there is.

Whether you’re persuaded about its transcendent power, I’m sure you’d agree that love forms a core and essential part of the good life. And you’d be in good company, if so.

Love is a vital ingredient, perhaps the most vital ingredient, in living a rich life. 

It might help to illustrate the point in contrast to its opposites, fear and hate. Are there any more misery-inducing emotions? 

Maybe, like me, you’re convinced (or becoming open to the idea) that love is the reason for and the secret to life. 

But what are we really talking about here? What is this expansive Big Love and how can we live it?

For one:

What is love? It's not "baby don't hurt me” — when the Dalai Lama says it is the absence of judgment, he does not mean acceptance of all expressions or behaviors of the beloved. It’s more about a desire for them to realize their best selves and highest happiness.

The concept of “agape” love, explored heavily in Christian doctrine and tradition, is worth taking on board. In his book The Four Loves, C. S. Lewis defines agape as the highest variety of love known to humanity: a selfless love that is passionately committed to the well-being of others.

Here’s how MLK Jr. defined the concept:

This isn’t Hallmark love or doting love or nor love that can see and say only what feels good.

MLK Jr.’s redemptive goodwill for all doesn’t entail loving everything that everyone does. He certainty didn’t!

It means we have understanding and compassion for them. We don’t pass judgment upon them as “bad”, understanding that like us, they are beautiful if confused products of a million prior events, working with limited time, energy, and information.

We still love them, believe in them, and wish for and work toward their well-being. Our desire for them is nothing less than the realization of their fullest happiness and highest potential.

I pulled this quote from this recent post on The Marginalian, one of the most profound and enlightening blogs on the internet. It’s worth a read! Maria does a beautiful job expressing what agape love looks like and how powerful a life force it truly is.

Key takeaway: agape love is mirroring and magnifying each other’s light.

And essential to this effort, to fully participating in that life-giving agape love, we need to give it to ourselves, too. 

So, how about today, we start here?

Give yourself that agape love.

Whether you’re lonely on this holiday or in a season of appreciating the joy of partnership with one you love, for you and for others this is one of the most vital acts you can perform: love yourself.

Give to yourself this golden gift!

Soon, you may just find you’re so filled with this gold that it effortlessly overflows out into the world.

Before we wrap up with today’s Good News, I want to remind you about a resource that might provide a great way to practice self-love.

Virtual EMDR makes Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (one of the most scientifically validated techniques to treat trauma, anxiety, and depression) more accessible to more people:

_{EMDR is one of several techniques explored in tool two of my guide 10 Tools for Healing & Growth. I pulled parts one and two of the guide, covering therapy resources and techniques, into a stand-alone PDF here, in case you want to learn more. * Disclosure: this is an affiliate link, where I make a small commission if you sign up. But I would not share it if I was not a true believer!}

Until next time, beaming you some love from Austin, TX! ❣️

Warmly,
Brandon

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